Many women considering abortion are also wondering how their relationship will be after abortion. Because no relationship is the same, it varies from relationship to relationship. Some couples don’t ever talk about the abortion again. For other couples, it tears them apart. And in some cases, they never want to make that decision again, and it motivates them to move forward in their relationship. Despite what your relationship might look like, we have noticed a few things about relationships as it relates to abortion.
1) Abortion becomes a part of the relationship
When you’re dating, any life event becomes a shared history. From birthdays to graduations, to a promotion, to the loss of a family member, to an unexpected pregnancy. Each momentous event becomes connected to the individuals sharing them. So, when an unexpected pregnancy happens, which leads to abortion, your relationship is bound to change. Some relationships change drastically, such as breaking up. While others change for a period of time, such as a disconnect of emotions or intimacy, and then go back to a different kind of normal. According to Psychiatrist Philip Sarrel, “Abortion is frequently a negative turning point in a relationship leaving scars which can undermine the future of the couple either together or as individuals.”
2) Abortion equals grief
Regardless of whether you wanted the abortion or not, you have ultimately lost something. You may not have wanted the pregnancy, but you had it, and it is now terminated. In a study by Lloyd and Laurence, “77% of women who terminated a pregnancy due to fetal malformation reported acute grief.” Their research also found that “approximately 30% of college students who had an abortion or had a partner who aborted agreed or strongly agreed with the following statement: “I sometimes experience a sense of longing for the aborted fetus.” Grief in any relationship, especially a couple’s relationship, is hard to navigate.
There can be triggers that arise that weren’t there before. The music you heard on the way to or from the clinic. The food you may have eaten the day of the abortion. Even a certain smell can be a trigger. Emotions tied to grief are unpredictable. Sometimes women become withdrawn. While others rely heavily on substances after the abortion. Without allowing you or your partner sufficient opportunity to grieve a fetus lost through abortion, problems in relationships with partners may develop.
3) Seeking medical counsel before and/or after an abortion can help
At Pregnancy Help NYC, we can help you know your options. Our staff of client advocates is specially trained to help you on an individual basis at this stressful time. Whether your concerns are about health insurance, housing, maternity leave, or how this pregnancy will impact your career or educational goals, Pregnancy Help offers ongoing support, starting with your initial office visit. Our years of successful experience in networking with other community agencies and social services organizations can be put to work for you
In addition to this, ALL of our services are free! Our goal is to create an environment as stress-free as possible! Don’t wait any longer, why not figure out what your next step should be by making an online appointment here! Or you can call us at 212.243.7119 or shoot us a text us at 646.734.8185.